Nobody Wants This, Netflix’s smash hit with a second season that premiered on October 23, is essentially a modern-day rom-com. In choosing a “hot rabbi” dating a non-Jewish woman as the relationship at its heart, the show unavoidably hits on bigger questions about religious identity, authentic connection, and the downsides to clergy with charisma. Though the show’s popularity can, in large part, be attributed to the chemistry between leads Adam Brody and Kristen Bell, it is also due to its ability to speak to the zeitgeist: audiences are hungry for accessible spirituality and communal belonging.As a millennial congregational rabbi who works with people of all ages, I see this yearning every day. Yet I believe that the intimacy we’re seeking doesn’t come from knowing the latest gossip about the rabbi; it comes from being in intentional spiritual community together.
One of the most memorable scenes from last season speaks the heart of this issue: instead of talking with Brody’s character Noah about his sermon after services, a host of congregants tried to set him up with their relatives. Imagine channeling that curiosity—that desire for connection—into conversations with clergy about your own spiritual questions, poring over a religious text or planning a program with another community member. The instinct to comment often comes from a good place: a desire to connect, to build relationships. Yet it can leave clergy feeling under a microscope and, frankly, exhausted. The stakes are real. When clergy feel constantly watched and evaluated—not for the substance of our teaching or the care we provide, but for who we’re dating or whether we are pregnant or will have children—it’s exhausting.
Frankly, it makes it harder to do the actual work of spiritual leadership. I’m not suggesting clergy deserve a completely private life; we are, after all, public figures in our communities. But there’s a difference between appropriate accountability and invasive scrutiny.
And the onus here doesn’t rest solely on congregants. Clergy have responsibilities too. This isn’t just about missed opportunities—it’s about potential minefields. As I wrote last season, sexualizing clergy can exacerbate the very dynamics that often lead to clergy misconduct. When it comes to clergy ethics, we need to hold two truths at once. On one hand, certain aspects of our personal lives genuinely aren’t congregants’ business—who we date, if and when we choose to have children, how we structure our families. On the other hand, our behavior does matter. Even in mundane contexts—what we eat, what we wear, and especially how we treat other people—we need to carry ourselves with integrity. Community leaders, particularly religious ones, function as role models whether we like it or not.
Nobody Wants This protagonist Noah operates as a rabbi in a context where intermarriage has been deemed communally acceptable. Regardless of one’s opinions on intermarriage, it’s worth reflecting on why people sometimes hold their clergy to different religious standards than they hold themselves. If we’re going to pay attention to our clergy’s personal choices, let’s pay attention to the ways in which they navigate religious complexity with honesty.
Hollywood may continue to portray “hot rabbis” and “hot priests.” It may zoom in on their romantic lives and the ways it impacts their careers. Yet we do not have to follow suit off-screen. We can resist the urge to treat our real-life rabbis, pastors, and imams like characters whose lives we’re binge-watching. We can protect the boundaries that make authentic spiritual leadership possible.
Congregants can refrain from overly personal questions, and clergy can resist the urge to emulate Netflix-worthy charisma. And we can all redirect our energy toward the deeper work: building stronger communities, engaging in more meaningful rituals, and having the richer, more nuanced conversations about belief that we’re all hungry for. Season 2 of Nobody Wants This will give us more romantic drama and family tension. That’s fine—it’s entertainment.
But when it comes to our actual religious communities, let’s demand something better. Let’s create spaces where clergy can be both relatable and boundaried, where congregants can seek connection without consumption, and where everyone can show up authentically to the sacred work at hand. Maybe then we will find the actual kind of religious intimacy Americans are craving.
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